Fear

Fear. The word itself is enough to make some people tremble. But without fear, where would our motivation to overcome stem from? Just like a fingerprint, no two fears are exactly alike. Although I’m certain I’m not alone in the things I fear, facing the challenges of my fears is unique to me.

I fear failure. Not in all cases, because if we always succeed on the first try what would we learn? I fear failure on a grander scale – bankruptcy, college drop out, no-good mom. I fear that my failure is going to let someone else down; it’s going to disappoint those that I love. After almost a decade of college, and I’m not kidding, I’m more determined now to follow through with what I so haphazardly started doing years ago when I didn’t have a clue. I don’t want to fail at something so many people succeed at everyday. I will not be a failure, or a disappointment to my parents, my family, or my friends.

I fear emotional pain. My heart is big enough to love anyone that crosses my path; unfortunately I still don’t know how to keep my heart from being taken advantage of. I’ve realized with every bit of love, there is pain. It’s been a learning experience. Every situation hurts worse than the last, but I surface as a stronger woman.

I fear loneliness. From birth we’re taught the importance of companionship and marriage. As teens we enter the dating scene eager to find our soul mates yet we’re often blinded by material possessions that put us in positions that will put our health at risk. I do not want to live my life without someone to share the laughter, the tears, and the memories with, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in an empty, uncaring relationship for the sake of partnership.

I fear death. I’ve seen more than my fair share of death and what it can do to those left behind. I don’t want to burden my family with the heartache of my departure. Every day I leave my life with thoughts of friends and family members who would love to see me now, who would be proud of the woman I’ve become – but I’ll never have the satisfaction of sharing my accomplishments with them.