Our Handicap

My brother Lee was fourteen years old when he died. His death was not an accident nor did any of us expect him to live long. He was born severely mentally retarded. Lee suffered from a disability called introverted duplication of the #15 chromosome which basically means he was born with two extra chromosomes.

After I was born, he stopped being able to talk and walk and had seizures almost daily. His mobility in his wheelchair was limited and I never got to have a conversation with him. Our relationship was distant, but he was my brother.

When I was younger and growing up I had very little interest in Lee. He was embarrassing to me as a child. I remember one night I had a friend over for dinner. As we began to eat our spaghetti dinner at the table, all of a sudden Lee’s head dropped into his plate splattering tomato sauce all over my friend and me. He had a drop attack seizure. I was so embarrassed I swore to myself never to have any friends over again.

Unless I locked my bedroom door when I went to school, Lee would wonder into my room and flip through my books leaving drool smothering pages that smelled like a mix of hydrogen peroxide and dirty dippers. I made Mom clean them because I thought it was too gross to touch. I guess it was just spit.

When I was in the third grade, my mom and dad decided to send Lee to a home in Nashville, Tennessee. His disabilities grew worse as he aged and with two other children to look after, my mom and dad just couldn’t give my other brother and me the attention we needed. Since we had extended family in Nashville, Merci Homes, the full-time care facility was a good way for my parents to free their time.

We went to visit Lee every year on his birthday, April 23rd, on Christmas and basically any other time that we could get away. The four of us sat with Lee. We played patty-cake with him a lot because it made him laugh and fed him Dr. Pepper, his favorite drink, through a straw. He died there, in the care of Merci Homes without any of his family around him. I was ten years old.

Lee played a big part in shaping who I am today. Without him in my life I would not be half the woman I am now. He taught me patience. He taught me how to be grateful for what I have. He taught me to laugh at the simple things in life. He taught me to live my life to the fullest. He taught me to be greatful for things in life.

I have a great respect for people, which I think is rare. I get to know people for who they are because I know that appearances lie. I’m compassionate and understanding. I know that life is not perfect and I know that I can survive its imperfections. I'm sympatheic towards people who share my circumstance. I'm no longer embarrsed about having had a mentally retarded brother. He is a unique part of me and my life that I have learned over the years to accept and am greatful for. Lee taught me these things not through his words, but with his life and his influences will never leave me.