HmmTsssz-HmmTss, HmmTsssz-Hmmmm Ts-Isn't Going Anywhere Is It?

Electronica is how aliens must communicate with each other; mesmerizing the cerebral cortex with chaotic tones and unfathomable rhythms, it induces a bliss and drooling stupor. It is a musical art form that is misunderstood in American culture, primarily because of the exhausting “anyone-can-do-it” platitudes. Many claim that electronica is not even music, but these people are tragically misinformed or uneducated. Sure, everyone claims their friend of a friend who has the Fruity Loops 2.0 demo, can make original grooves on the spot – but they're normally lying. Just ask questions and let the unsatisfactory answers show you the way.

Are they the "purist" type, able to play several traditional instruments, putting each one into an interesting and coherent series of loops, adding tons of spacy effects, but only sparingly synthing beats and foreign samples? Maybe they are the kind of deranged sample freaks that would go through tedious lengths to record 100 different rubber band vibration sounds, 9 types of glass breaking, and the rattling of a barbwire fence, creating a motif that maybe is symbolic of the theme of their entire album as a whole? That’s cool and all, but if they obsessively tweaked the tone and frequency of each sample so that they could rock it out live on their midi processors – that would be really cool. Do they dig through piles and piles of records just to find that one obscure 8 second sample so that they can use one half as a bassline, and pitchshift the other half to create a layered call and response type phrasing? Do they scratch it all out at frenzied DJ battles?

Or … are your skeezy cynical tendencies correct in assuming they dub prerecorded basslines with generic beats, sampling choruses from their favorite songs, and quotes from their favorite horror or sci fi movies; ensuring that everything is bland and predictable. Rub the crystal ball, yes, what does it say: they equalize all their samples because they’re too lazy to really dig for appropriate material to transition. They know the basics of their software, so what? Creativity is better.

But this musical quilt of pop culture still takes a lot of technological know-how, and at least some talent to mix tracks agreeably into something that isn’t so cacophonous it defiles the ear drums. So, good for your friend of a friend, and even though their music probably makes early techno seem redundant and primitive, with a little practice they could probably land a freelance gig at a low budget bar mitzvah or maybe even a second rate gay bar.

The rise of computer chair amateurs has helped to spread the misconception that electronic music is easy to make. Although it’s arguable that it’s easy to imitate, it is very difficult to do well. Discrediting all electronica because you spent a saturday learning how to cut and loop tracks with freeware, is like discrediting rock because the only song you can play on the guitar is "Come As You Are" by Nirvana, and you learned it in 30 minutes.

Amateurs and newbs aside, the real reason so many people hate techno is the tacky repetition of the “hmm-tsss hmm-tsss hmm-tsss Tecka-Tecka!!, etc” beat. Most people associate electronica with this kind of generic trance which is indeed redundant, and not too impressive as it only involves learning a few cringeworthy patterns, and using them over and over again in slightly different ways. Perhaps its called trance because its so exclusively bassy and loud, and because the DJ’s hope that most of the ravers and techno enthusiasts are too "tranced" out on happy drugs to notice their lack of innovation and skill. Speaking of happy drugs and techno enthusiasts, maybe I’m naïve in believing that IDM, intelligent dance music, is a fitting name for a more virtuosic and surreal subgenre. Intelligently intoxicating...is that possible?

Anyways, lots of it sucks, but how is it not music? Isn’t this what reactionaries of the baby boomer culture claimed of rock, and what racist rednecks claimed during the birth of jazz? Electronica has every characteristic of music, it is has timbre, texture, melody, harmony, and pitch. It has structure, and utilizes polymetric time signatures so complex that they would be nearly impossible to duplicate with traditional instruments (although, the Alarm Will Sound orchestra does cover Aphex Twin songs acoustically and very accurately).

Electronica is not only music by definition, it can be rich with talent and flavor. Its what happens when you take every other genre of music, throw it into a blender with some ice and a good 10-second pour of vodka and press liquefy. It expands the entire world of music, and it has influenced rap, rock, metal, and even jazz; it has creeped its way into the revered guitar of John Scofield, the bass and production agenda of Bill Laswell, and the crunchy keyboards of John Medeski. To the people who have tried and still think “its not that hard,” then either you have a record deal, or you are using programs to juggle unoriginal beats. Cheater.