Decisions and Consequences

I believe in making intelligent conscious decisions and being responsible their consequences.

It was three weeks before Christmas and I had been out shopping for gifts. I stumbled through my front door, bags in-tow, and my roommate popped her head out from behind her door. “Guess who got arrested last night?” she asked. Since we were the only two in the room, and I could recall my previous night not involving my arrest, I guessed her.

This news didn’t shock me. Over the past few months I had seen her spiral out of control, with no sign of slowing down. We lived only four blocks from the metropolis facsimile dotted with bars and clubs we all know as Front St. in Wilmington, North Carolina. Our location was convenient for walking home after a few, or many, drinks. It was a privilege we had taken advantage of. My roommate, whom I will call Ganielle, had been mixing her prescribed medication with binge-drinking. I thought it was a well known fact combining anti-depressants and alcohol could be deadly. Ganielle chose to disregard this fact, and on nights we went out she was always “that girl”. I can’t count the number of times I had to physically carry her home because she had lost the ability to sit; yes, sit.

Two months later we moved into a house that backs up to campus. It is quite a difference from a two-century-old haunted apartment. Our access to bars was now limited to The Triangle Lounge.

“I got a DUI,” she said with exasperated breath. I was still ecstatic about the eleven dollar wrap-dress I had bought earlier and tried to avoid the conversation.

A few days later, I was layed-out on the couch with my dogs watching a Law and Order marathon. She came in and plopped down on the love seat. “So, what happened the other night,” my other roommate asked. And then it started.

“Well, my sister was way too drunk and I said I would drive. So after we left this guy’s house I was driving to Matt’s house and I guess I was swerving or something. So this cop pulls me over…,” all I wanted to do was watch my program, and I had been sucked into her inebriated version of what had happened. She went on, “…so I guess I failed the sobriety test and they put me in handcuffs. When I got to the station, the cops were just laughing and goofing off. I was so pissed,” and I’m thinking, ‘Well, what do you do at your job, act serious all the time?’ It continued, getting more and more pitiful, “… so they finger printed me and took my picture. Then took me into this room where they recorded everything I was saying. When I told them I was on medication, they asked me which one. I just broke down and started sobbing hysterically, all I wanted to do was come home and swallow a bottle of pills.”

Whoa. Now she had my attention. While I believe suicide to be a serious matter, I do not condone using it in discussion to detract from a serious situation. It may sound harsh, but if she had wanted to eat a bunch of pills that night she would have; and she would not have been sitting in front of me telling this story.

Later I learned she had blown a blood alcohol level of 0.17, double North Carolina’s legal limit of 0.08, at nearly five in the morning. Bars close at two.

To this day, she refuses to take responsibility for her actions. “It’s not one person’s fault,” she casually said to me a few weeks ago. It baffles me that a twenty-two year old can still deny the consequences of her actions. At an early age I was taught to make my own decisions, hopefully the right ones, and be prepared to deal with the consequences. I believe responsibility to be the difference between poor decisions and mistakes. Mistakes are poor decisions that we learn from, and without taking responsibility we cannot learn.

This I Believe (FINAL)

Life’s precious moments come and go like the azalea blooms in the spring and seasons of the year. We are measured by our successes and scorned because of our shortcomings, but it is our experiences that define us as individuals. Everything I have learned in life up to this point has laid the foundation to what I will become because I believe in taking advantage of every opportunity and learning something from each experience.

Ever since I was a child, my parents encouraged me to get involved in as many activities as I wanted or as time would allow. Whether it was basketball, street hockey, Indian Guides or youth group; my time was constantly occupied. 

I discovered my interest in sports at a young age and developed my abilities during many seasons of YMCA recreation leagues. I was always encouraged to play every sport that I liked but after a few seasons of each, I quickly concentrated on my favorites. It was these experiences and the support of my parents that shaped me into the athlete, leader and articulate communicator that I am today.


Now that I am a junior in college, I understand the importance of getting involved more than ever. Not only do activities boost your portfolio and repertoire of skills, but they also teach you many life lessons that you would never get sitting in a classroom. The student newspaper has provided me with the opportunity of gaining real world experience in a field of media that I will likely pursue as a career. It is very time demanding but I learn something new every day and for that I am thankful.

As senior year is fast approaching, I find myself pondering how quickly the time has passed. It seems like just yesterday that I was walking across the stage during my high school graduation. Then, I thought college was a huge deal and that it was a decision that would decide whether I would become successful and happy or miserable and broke. I now realize that it has all been one giant learning experience that has prepared me for the rest of my life.

In the past few weeks, it has come to my attention that many soon-to-be graduating students get scared and anxious during this time of their life. They are faced with many decisions that will ultimately decide their lifestyle and career path. Juniors and seniors in college work hard to earn their degrees with hopes of landing a job that will make them happy and satisfy their economic needs. They may not find their ideal job in the first couple of tries; however, it is guaranteed that they will learn what they don’t want in a future career. Sacrifices may need to be made along the way, but taking advantage of every opportunity and walking through every open door will only lead to a valuable learning experience.

I am excited about the opportunities and experiences to come. Sometimes, though, I need to slow down and savor life’s precious moments before they pass me by. I will continue to live with no regrets as long as I learn something from each experience.

Pack Your Bags

I have my appropriate sized carry on and my boarding pass, and I know the precise location of my passport – so why am I getting the first date butterflies? You may believe it’s the flight, that I am scared of disaster. No, of course not, I’ve flown dozens of times.

I know what it is. The feeling is my knowing that in a few short hours I’ll be somewhere else – somewhere different, somewhere new, and somewhere real.

I believe travel is magical.

As I walk the streets of Bali, Indonesia in small villages such as Ubud, Nusa Dua and Kuta Beach the images are pulled straight out of a National Geographic magazine. Young women, dirty and barefoot, lie across sidewalks begging for money. Their garments, covered with sporadic holes and caked in dust, swaddle the infants they so badly need to feed. Immediately I, the guilty and humbled tourist, reach into my pocket pulling out a few thousand Rupiah. The paper bills, only adding up to a few American dollars, provide a small fortune to the women in the gutter.

Outside the poverty-stricken towns and disease-ridden markets stand beautiful oceanfront temples, thousands of years old. Beautiful beaches with sand white as snow and soft as cashmere beckon the crystal waves to lap their deliciousness. With tropical plants always in bloom and wild monkeys gallivanting around, the views of Bali are absolutely breathtaking.

Australia: the land where you quickly become everyone’s “mate” and the locals drive cautiously, watching out for kangaroos, just as Americans might for deer. Beautiful people with infectious, yet indecipherable accents parade down sidewalks with you. The beaches here provide an exceptionally different atmosphere than beaches in America. It is quite shocking, yet incredibly common to stumble upon a nude beach anytime your toes hit the sand. The bikini-clad are instantaneously picked out as foreigners; finger points and giggles are aimed at those with tops still on.

The most bewitching characteristic of traveling abroad is experiencing and participating in different ways of celebration. Easter Sunday in Florence, Italy, is not your typical Easter egg hunt. Fireworks crack and scream, their smoke crawling and curling upward around the walls of surrounding cathedrals. Ringing in the New Year in the streets of Ubeda, Spain and seeing people falling to their knees in horror the day the Pope died in Rome have proved to be mesmerizing spectacles.

I believe the things I’ve seen and the amazing people I have met while traveling have definitely cast a life altering light on my path. Of course the everyday convenience of life in America is comforting, but experiencing things that take you out of your comfort zone seem to be the most worthwhile in retrospect.

Travel is more than the thousands of pictures I’ve taken. It is more than the stamps in my passport. It's believing that there is a world out there and knowing that I am taking every chance I can to see it.

Go with the flow

It took me several years to realize I can’t control everything. As much as I’d love to have my daily routine unfold step by step, scripted from start to finish, it just isn’t possible. I know that fate is my responsibility, but occasionally situations are out of my hands. I believe in doing my best and not worrying over what I can’t control.

I can credit most of this realization to my father. Growing up, and even today, I can remember his nonchalant, casual approach to everything. It took years of maturing before I was able to understand that it wasn’t for lack of caring or that he wasn’t concerned; rather he just did what he could.

When traffic is moving slow, when meetings last longer than they should, when the doctor can’t see me for two weeks, it’s my first instinct to cause a fuss, create a scene, and whoop and holler until something happens. Unfortunately it’s been my experience that this doesn’t help, and I don’t feel any better than I would have had I remained calm.

These instances are minuscule examples of why I believe it’s not important to focus on something you can’t change. This belief can be applied to situations of a grander scale.

My family was facing the possibility of losing its second member within three years. My aunt that died suddenly in her sleep was the forerunner of her cancer-stricken son; both tragedies caught everyone by surprise.

I never knew until my dad’s nephew, Little Denny, got sick just how much my dad really loved and cared for his middle-aged nephew. If anyone, other than Little Denny’s wife and children, was the most impacted by his sudden decline in health, it was my dad. I’d never seen a grown man seem so upset, so heartbroken, and helpless before in my life.

My dad spent hours, days, even weeks visiting at the hospital. There wasn’t much that he could do aside from bringing the family food or sitting with the kids while their mom rested and showered at the home of nearby relatives. He wasn’t a doctor and his nephew’s health wasn’t in his hands, but what he could do was offer his support.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were especially hard that year. We all knew how sick our loved one was, but no one wanted to talk about it. Smiles were forced, silences often uncomfortable, and in the back of everyone’s mind, we knew it wouldn’t be long before he was taken from us.

A few weeks into January that day came. I will never forget the look on my dad’s face, I know he was upset although, being a man of few words, he wouldn’t admit it. He never shed a tear and he was certain Little Denny -- a son, father, wife, brother, nephew, and uncle – was better off now than the rest of us.

My dad doesn’t know it, but while he was supporting his family, he was teaching me a lesson: do everything you can, and don’t worry about what you can’t change.

A Welcome Unknown

Everyone makes mistakes. It’s the part of life that scolds, then offers a forgiving embrace with a bit of added wisdom. For 18 years, I made many errors in too many of my life’s chapters, imagining it was as simple as I had always thought. But what I didn’t know was that the biggest mistake of my life would eventually lead to a revolution of the unknown.

Growing up in suburban North Carolina didn’t offer much of the unfamiliar. From sixth grade until high school graduation, I attended Catholic school, spending a good deal of my youth spent in the moral equivalent of a bomb shelter. I held sacred one set of ideals, one high-maintenance girlfriend, and one firm idea to avoid the unpredictable and untried. Back then, I looked upon my life with the thought that I had figured it all out, and then the walls I had taken so long to build came tumbling down.

Two months before graduation, my girlfriend of two years and I split. At first, I cursed the world for prying a hole in my airtight theories. No longer did I feel assured with the routines or safe inside my own perceptions. Life suddenly came at me, furious and frenzied. My parents, wonderful people that they are, believed I was in the midst of some teenage hormonal meltdown and offered any assistance they could. But, unbeknownst to them, I had to face my crisis unaccompanied.

And then I relaxed, opened my eyes slowly and banished my failed philosophy, marching forward into the unknown, not forgetting the past, but not fixed upon it either. I threw away regret and saw the beauty of life that I had been missing. Stepping into that foreign territory, if only for a moment, illuminated the mistakes I had been making and it also showed me a means to change.

New friends became part of my life and new ideas crept into my head. I realized that assembling each person’s unique awareness can create a grand mosaic, a pattern capable of teaching profound truths. Humans are social creatures. Isolation can be refreshing, but only through interaction with the unknown could I have arrived at the happiness I feel now.

I want to remain an idealist, but one whose optimism comes with each new discovery, someone who awakens each morning and counts the possibilities in clouds, trees and other limitless things. It took a long time for me to step outside of my own skin, but after I did, I never wanted to crawl back in those superficially secure confines. It is in the unknown where I found my salvation, my reaffirming belief that life grants as many second chances as needed.

Myself

My most coveted belief is a selfish one. I believe in myself. I have always been disciplined and when I set a goal I intend to see it through. In many instances I have had an ambition and worked to achieve it. However, attaining these goals has not been easy or come without a price. I have sacrificed both physically and socially, but have never let my losses dissuade me.

In sports I have always been regimented. If I have felt passionately about something I let nothing stand in my way. I swam in high school for five years, getting up at 5:30 a.m. to practice. And although swimming in the early morning, five days a week, for months at a time demonstrated exceptional dedication, my greatest accomplishments came through distance running.

I was a strong cross country runner and always believed that I had more to give. I remember the final race of my high school career, the two mile, as my most defining moment in running. With 800 meters left, physically beat and in a distant fourth, I found the inner desire to prove to myself that I was not going out like this. At that moment I dug deep, into the darkest crevices of the psyche-- the point where you feel no pain and put everything on the line. What developed was an epic finish in which the crowd was on their feet the entire last lap, a rare occasion for a long, dry two mile run. It was the Prefontaine aura that every young runner dreams of, the chance to show the world you can be as strong as you want. It would have been nice if I actually caught the winner, but making him turn around due to the crowd’s cheers was victory enough. Knowing that I can endure physical anguish in realizing my goals has allowed me to transfer this self-assurance to the work force.

I once heard a graduation speech by Astronaut Frank Borman who spoke on four characteristics of life. The one I have always remembered as vital to success is having goals. Without goals you are lost. This may be great for some, but if you have the drive and will to constantly excel goals get you through life. When I was seventeen I went to a sailing camp called Sail Caribbean, after which I discovered who and what I wanted to become-- a sailing captain. I spent the next three years chasing down my dream. I took every opportunity to make my resume as competitive and complete as possible. I put all my time and energy into achieving this dream. My last summer in high school was split between two jobs, effectively sacrificing many beautiful days which my friends spent enjoying. I worked one summer at a camp I hated and desperately wanted to leave, but with my objective in mind I pressed on because it was invaluable experience. Essentially, I have given up my free time and social life in quest of my selfish, long term desire to work in the Caribbean. And I am proud to say that my three years of sacrifice and restraint paid off; I have been working with Sail Caribbean since 2005.

Although my family has provided steadfast encouragement, I have had to brave most of the challenges and dark moments alone. I recall many instances where I felt like giving up and succumbing to the stresses of life, but I never have. It takes a lot of courage to enter new, unfamiliar situations, but I constantly do because I know I will succeed in any situation. I believe in my ability to rise to the occasion and the refusal to give up while staring down the faces of failure.

Age is a suggestion

So what’s the big deal with this age thing? I believe that age is a suggestion, not a prison and that you are only as old as you choose to think and act like you are. I have seen 75 year-old women who move furniture, push mow yards, and still have energy to go shopping. I have seen 20 year-old men who can’t walk a mile without giving out of breath and having to sit down.

Some individuals fall apart when they hit a magical number that signifies (at least to them) that their life is over. I guess they fail to notice they are still living.

I know a woman who fell apart and cried for days when she turned 30. Mini breakdowns occurred at 40, 45, and 50.With each approaching birthday family and friends tried their best not to create too much fuss, and to announce her age was strictly forbidden. This same woman has just turned 55 and no breakdown occurred. She has finally figured out that her life is not over and the most recent birthday was accompanied by excitement and preparations flung in amongst her busy schedule.

I’m not sure about this age limitation people place upon themselves. I understand if you're 90 years old and don’t want to go skydiving, or if you have medical problems that prevent you from snow skiing and skateboarding. But why assume that your life is over and “it’s all down hill” after you reach a certain number?

I have friends who have made pacts with other individuals promising to marry each other if they are both unmarried by the age of 40. Why place a limitation on yourself? If you don’t met Mr. or Mrs. Right until you're 50, then so be it. At least you have the assurance of knowing you have found the right person to spend the rest of your life with.

My theory is that people are scared of time and they blame it on age. Everyone worries that they will not have enough time to accomplish all the things they dream about. They use age as a guideline to indicate how much time they have left and how good the remaining years will be.

"Time changes everything," and there will be things that your body will gradually forget how to do. For example, I am 21 and my hips refuse to bend the way they did when I was 10 and as a result sideways splits are no longer an option. Instead I work on scissor splits, focusing on something I can do instead of something I can't.

People should enjoy life by taking each day as it comes and should not worry about whether they are too old to enjoy cartoons or too young to play bingo. I believe that age is just a suggestion and predicting time (left on earth) is impossible. There is no guarantee that death in this world signifies the end of existence. So why worry about how old you are or how much time you have left? Enjoy each day for what it is, wear your experiences like a coat, never stop trying new things, and never give up trying old things; you might surprise yourself with what you can do.

Seeing and believing

I believe without evidence of truth, and that is the most precious gift I own.

There are few things that I believe in that supported by evidence. I believe in global warming, mostly because the scientists have displayed adequate data that it is occurring. I believe that Democrats and Republicans aren’t looking out for anyone but themselves. I believe that truth is the most telling thing. So, what’s there left to believe in? I guess the most believable thing that I can actually believe in, is that belief can actually exist.

Who knows if there are aliens circling the earth and bending corn stalks to make weird designs. Is there no possibility of such? More then likely not, but the fact that I am capable of believing such things with no tangible evidence, besides my blind belief, is something that I will value forever.

I believe that there is something greater then myself out there. Call it God or what have you, but whatever it is it has yet to present itself to me. I can’t place a finger on my life and show you that this was the moment where I found this higher being; because I don’t have a roadmap of important dates. But there’s a belief that something is there, and it has yet to be proven.

What is love? There is no true basis that such a thing can exist. Yet, it does, because we believe it to existence. Is there any logic in the idea that someone who you have no connection to prior can completely change your world with a simple glance or half-hearted smile? There isn’t, but because we believe in its existence.

Can a single person actually save the world? More then likely not. The world is far too big to be saved by a single person, but because we believe it to be possible, it is. One man, or woman, could do something so drastic that it causes a chain reaction of ideas and makes the world a better place. It’s not possible in the realm of truth; it is in the world of believing.

Because I am able to believe at all is the greatest gift bestowed upon me. The fact that I am able to think in abstract thought is a most treasured gift. It allows us to have hope in times that are dreary and bleak. The very word belief helps you get up in the morning because there’s a chance that today will be better then the last.

Belief allows us to function as human beings. Belief is an all encompassing word that is simply an umbrella for ideas that we use on a regular basis. Trust, God, love, know, think, imagination, and see. Without belief these words fall to nothingness. These are all emotions, and without belief in something, emotion is a truth less lonely place.

Somewhere between belief and truth lays knowledge. What makes belief so grand is the idea behind it. The idea that though there may be no logic in it, or that it’s the most far-fetched idea that has ever been thought up; there is a chance that it can still exist. Belief is the imagination at work. Belief is life at work. Choosing between belief and truth is like choosing between happy and sad. We must find our medium in this life, and I can guarantee that in that medium is some belief that something can happen that has no logical base.

Perfect Fit

One sunny afternoon I walked over to a friend's house in the neighborhood. Little did I know that I would be love-struck half-way to my destination. The very moment I saw Adam in his front yard dressed in baseball attire and throwing a ball straight up into the air and catching it in his mitt, I remember saying to myself, "Oh my, who is this? Yes. There is a new boy in the neighborhood." I probably didn't breath the whole time I crossed his path but I can tell you, I made it to Ashley's in record time. I was only 14 years old but as far as I was concerned, it was love at first sight and I couldn't wait to tell my best friend all about it.

My girlfriends and I always hoped new tenants of houses that sold in our neighborhood would have cute boys or kids our age. What young girls don't wish for that? After arriving to Ashley's house, it was hard to contain my excitement. I was practically claiming this boy as mine after only seeing him, not even knowing his name. One coincidence after the other, this boy showed up everywhere I was. It started the very day I saw him, Wednesday, that night was youth night at church. He walked in. My heart fluttered nonstop as the flirting began. Adam...oh, I just knew it was meant to me. He lived in my neighborhood, went to my school and church, joined the neighborhood swim team, and made friendships with people I was already close to.

We began dating that summer. Our childlike innocence revealed to us that we could fall for someone at the young age of 14 and 15. Our late-night phone calls till 3 a.m. continued into our school year then changed to passing notes in the hallway, writing "AT Loves AL always and forever" on every piece of paper in my notebook, the typical high school ways of claiming your love. Adam and I dated for a year and seven months, the longest either of us had been with someone. Our love for each other was real and new to the both of us, quit scary because we weren't sure that it was okay to feel that way for someone at a young age.

We did break up in the seventh month, but I knew it wasn't the end of us. I even told him, "You won't find anyone better than me." I prayed day and night that we could get back together, but nothing happened. One night I remember an overwhelming feeling come over me saying, "Amanda, be patient. I know what's best for you and Adam right now. Trust me. You will be with him once again." From that moment on, I gained confidence and acquired a belief that Adam was my soul mate. He was the one I would be with.

Adam and I remained the best of friends after splitting in high school. We were very protective of each other. When one or the other dated someone else it was obvious we were jealous. No one was good enough for him in my eyes. I hated getting phone calls from him telling me his girlfriend cheated on him, said something mean, or broke up with him. Although I hated him being with other girls, I still wanted him to be happy. Conversely, I was also in other serious relationships, but I always compared those guys to Adam. Though I may have loved them, they just were not Adam, they were not the love of my life.

Four years later, forces were bringing the two of us back together. After ending his third relationship of a year and seven months (because the girl was unfaithful), I was still the one he called to talk to. He didn't want to rush into another relationship, but there was an evening that he confessed his love for me. A love, he said, never stopped. I discovered that night that he also compared every girl he dated after me, to me. But they too didn't compare to the one person he held on a pedestal.

I believe that people are placed in our lives for a reason. There was a reason that Adam and I met when we did. We fell in love at a young age, but I feel there is no better timing. It is a time that we're oblivious to the negative aspects of life so we're completely open and vulnerable. It is a time that a lot of people experience heartbreak because individuals have not yet built up barriers to protect their hearts from getting hurt. If Adam and I had not split in high school, we would not have discovered from other failed relationships what we want in a life partner. Not only that, Adam has a job today because of an ex-girlfriend's father. Yes, everything happens for a reason.

It has now been two and a half years that Adam and I have been together. Apparently my family knew this would happen. They informed me that they all put money on the fact that they believed Adam and I would get back together. We know this is it; however, we're in no rush to walk down the aisle. It's important for the both of us to get our own lives on track first, with careers, places to live, etc. before we commit to each other. I believe in love, soul mates, and that God has plans for people, we just have to be patient for them the happen when the time is right, on His time. All I can do today is be thankful to have such an amazing love in my life. Adam treats me like I'm an angel every single day. Life couldn't be much sweeter. I'm with the person whom I gave my heart to eight years ago and never fully got it back in our time apart. Love is a tie that holds all things together.

My Belief

There are few concepts still noble enough to believe in these days. Most notably would be the things you were raised to believe in and other opinions you may have formed on your own as life has progressed. So when given this assignment I had to really take a look at myself and ask what is there that I feel passion enough to write about.

In the past I would have immediately started writing about religion and why I’m such a devout follower. But as my life has shown me in days of old, that is a recipe for unwanted problems. So I kept looking, just hoping for any idea at all. It was during our Tuesday class that I heard something in our discussion that I felt I had to voice my opinion on.

In that discussion we glanced over the notions of virgins, birth control, and premarital sex. I sat, listened, and waited to respond in time during the class. It was while waiting to talk that I realized what I really believed in enough to voice an opinion on, not settling.

I thought about how in life we often negate being patient long enough for the right person to come into our lives. I thought about how we will take sides in an argument, without first knowing both sides of the fight. I thought about how we might risk a mouth full of burns and sores because we won’t allow a piece of food to cool before we bite into it. And I also thought about how we’ll play the lottery for quick money instead of working and saving our finances, along with some clever investing, to get wealthy.

I now know that what I truly hold close to my heart, and to my beliefs, is not settling for the now, but rather be patient and let life develop as you go. The most recent example I can cite is the parking upgrade I just received this week. While I was never thrilled about being bused into school, I accepted it for what it was and kept moving forward. What the being bused in represented was a challenge of how much patience you have to use while waiting on the system to work accordingly. So rather than risk a boot for parking out of my zone, I allowed my situation to work itself out, and now I can park on campus.

The greatest personification of not settling I use to inspire myself to wait is marriage. For a little over six years I’ve had to watch my closest family members elope. I and the rest of the family have had to try and deal with the fact that these knuckle-heads go off and get married without giving anyone a chance to even meet the woman they married before making the decision. I must confess that none of these women are worthy of being married to anyone, let alone my kin. And what my family is now realizing is that if these fools had demonstrated a second of patience, then we’d all be closer and more accepting.

For the most part, being patient and not settling can lead to wonderous achievements and happier days. My patience and not settling is going to allow me the opportunity to be the first male out of my family to graduate from a four year university. My not settling will allow me to be the first male in my family to actually be paid in a field that I enjoy, and want to work in. And my not settling will allow me time to live, and not be locked down by a family too soon. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be a family man one day, but I’m not going rush that anytime soon. I’ll be patient and not settle for the first short skirt that comes my way, rather I’ll let life bring me and the “One” together when the time is right.

That has to be the best reason for being patient. Patience will allow you to make mistakes that you can learn from and never repeat. But settling and impatience can allow for a great many hardships that you don’t have to bare. I love knowing that I have some control over my life and its direction, simply because I’m willing to wait and not settle for the only option in front of me. That is why I’m twenty-five, cute, and have no children. That is also why I’m anxious for tomorrow and willing to wait for it.

Being Alone

I’ve never really been one who liked spending time alone. I get bored very easily and usually end up out shopping, spending money that I shouldn’t be spending. I never really liked the silence of being alone. But this past summer I was forced to be alone and actually ended up enjoy the time by myself.

My fiancé and I have been together for 6 ½ years and have spent the last 2 ½ living together. We pretty much see one another 24/7 since we live and work together. So when his best friend invited him along for a 2 month European vacation, all expenses paid, I was left alone. I couldn’t tell him that I didn’t want him to go. This was an opportunity that no one should pass up, but I feared not having him around. I was so used to having him around everyday and our friend Scott and Craig were with us almost every evening, whether it be for dinner or go out to a bar. I always had people around me.

Well one would think that when my fiancé leaves for Europe that I would have two of my closest friends to spend time with while he is gone, since they were always around any way. That didn’t work out for me. Scott is in the Army Reserves and spent about 5 of the 7 weeks that my fiancé was gone in Kentucky working with the Army. Craig bought a house in Raleigh with his partner and ended up, of course, spending the entire summer there. I was stuck here going to work everyday and coming home to be alone.

It was a bit difficult at first, but I soon began to realize that having a bit of peace and quiet was actually nice. I enjoyed it. In the evenings if I was tired I could go to sleep and not worry that there was someone I had to entertain (this applies to the friends being around all the time, not my fiancé). I could watch what I wanted to on TV, I pretty much could do whatever I wanted to.

I missed my fiancé terribly and as soon as he left for his trip I began counting down the days till his return. I don’t want to sound like I want him to leave me for long periods of time like this again, (I’ve actually told him no more vacations like that unless I’m coming along with him!), because I don’t. But I did learn and now enjoy being by myself sometimes. The silence of everyone else is nice sometimes, but I still don’t enjoy complete silence.

Through Him All Things are Possible(revised)

I believe that whatever God has in store for my life is so great that my imagination won’t allow me to envision it. All the time I talk to people and they constantly tell me that I will be real successful in life. I even have professors in whose class that I didn’t even well tell me this. Recently the director of the UNCW Gospel Choir, of which I am a member, told me that he saw big things in my future. I believe that I am destined to do something for the benefit of other people. I have always believed that you are suppose to help thy neighbor and that you will be rewarded for doing so.

I believe what the pastor says because he is a pastor and as a Christian I usually believe something when my pastor tells me. I believe that I will have a successful future also because I am motivated to do my best. I hope to one day have my own talk show like Oprah. Since I love to talk and I usually have a solution for everything, people always say that it would be perfect for me.

The other day when I walked in for my Gospel performance that was the first thing Pastor Robinson told was that I was going to be successful. I told him that people tell me this all the time but I couldn’t figure out exactly how I was going to do it. He told me to not worry because my steps had already been ordered by God. That conversation gave me even more reason to believe that God has a lot in store for me.

When you say to yourself….

“I can’t figure it out” God says in Philippians 3:5-6, “I will direct your steps.”
If you say to yourself, it’s impossible,” God says in Luke 18:27 “All things are
possible”. Even if you say “I am too tired,” God has said in Matthew 11:28-30,
“I will give you rest.”

Because God has told me all these things, I believe that whatever my destiny is, it is so big I can’t even begin to imagine the things God has laid out for me in the future. I believe that God wants this destiny for me because some people are destined to help others in major ways, while there are those that are suppose to receive the help. I believe that I am one of the few people who are destined to help the less fortunate.

I would love for everyone around me to have the same beliefs, but in today’s world that would be hard for everyone to do. Partly because everyone who is Christian and believes in God has their own interpretation of God’s word the Bible. With everyone believing something different than their neighbor it is hard to get people on one accord for anything these days.

People can’t even come together and express their opinion about something with a disagreement, much less agreeing on what God has said. I hope everyone who reads this essay today will become inspired to believe the same thing that I believe in. If everyone starts believing they will see how good God really is and believe that all things are possible through him

Cards make a difference

I believe in saving kids with cancer. I don’t have cancer and hopefully never will. However, growing up I had a peer who got leukemia and had to leave school for years. I remember when his desk was empty and finally the teacher told us he wouldn’t be coming back to school. We sent cards to him and sometimes he would get to visit. No matter what, it didn’t bring him back to school and it definitely didn’t get rid of his cancer. I don’t think we realized how much those cards could affect the way Mark felt.

I don’t really know if it’s my friend’s story or I was born with it, but I have always wanted to be involved with St. Jude Hospital. When I came to UNC-Wilmington I hadn’t really heard of any connections. During my junior year, however, a friend asked if I wanted to be on the executive board of a new organization they were bringing to campus for St. Jude. My life is busy. I literally had about 30 minutes a day of free time and that was spent trying to get my homework done. I am lucky if I get to take five minutes to breathe so when he said “Do you want to join?" my brain stopped there. I was on overload. But when I heard St. Jude I immediately was on board.

We got the organization up and running and went to visit the hospital. It is exactly like you see it in the papers or on TV. The halls are filled with colored murals and nurses that lead to different areas of the hospital. There is one area where children go to get treatments. When I walked in I saw kids lying in radio flyer wagons with masks over their faces, no hair and obviously no energy. There were two kids putting a puzzle together, with masks on their face. My heart dropped. I’m not sure if it’s because I felt bad or because I couldn’t believe how happy they were in a situation like this. I walked through the tour with a lump in my throat holding back the tears, both happy and sympathetic.

St. Jude does so many amazing things to make such a tragedy seem like a day at Carowinds Theme Park, even for the families (except maybe not as chaotic). They have a whole area for kids that have a ton of things to play with and they have parties for the kids where they can invite friends when they go off of their treatments. This experience showed me what a difference small, thoughtful things can make in their lives.

Going to St. Jude Children's Hospital made me believe in doing anything possible to help bring this happiness to kids with cancer. Our school so far has raised almost $35,000 for St. Jude and it is only the first year at UNCW. I’m not sure if my friend, Mark, ever looks at the cards we sent him, but I do know that at the time those cards gave him strength to survive one more day. This is why I believe in saving kids with cancer.

Movie Ticket Stubs

There is something mystical about sitting in a dark, crowded theatre. Watching images flicker across the screen; images that sometimes provide valuable insight into our own lives. Being able to be transported to any time or place in the form of any character is something that, in today's world, we all are in need of. Being in a movie theatre with someone you love or maybe even hate, only adds to the experience. Sitting in a dark theatre with your friends or family, you begin to realize what the movies are truly about, the experience and escapism. The pictures on the screen move at twenty-four frames a second. I believe that we go to movies not always to see what we pay for, but to escape from reality and define our individuality.

When I was very young, going to the movies was a frequent occurrence. Nothing would intrigue me more than sprawling the Sunday newspaper out in our living room and staring with childish awe at all the ads for movies currently playing. There is no way of accurately numbering all the ridiculous movies I made my parents sit through. Other parents took their kids to the movies to have a widescreen babysitter for a couple of hours. My parents took me so they could share with me the experience of falling in love with a good movie. My love for film was fueled directly by my parents, who drove me around to video stores to see if they could find me the latest movie posters to adorn my room. Over the summers, my mom would take me to the local video store to rent five movies just about every week. I began to identify with all sorts of different films and I started to understand what made me like certain movies and not like certain others. Although, I've never truly hated any film I've seen. There was something romantic about being able to escape in a good story every Friday night. I just wasn't sure what it was yet.

Being a teenager in the dry county of Randolph limits some kids on their ability to have fun. I would always just go to the movies with my high school sweetheart when something good came out. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't always wholly into the movies that we saw, but something always stirred inside me when I would look over at the face of the girl I loved and see her perfect profile in the flickering white light of the movie as the images danced across her face. Her eyes wide with excitement/anticipation/fear/sadness or whatever the particular case may have been. Something about the experience of going to the movies with her would stay with me for the rest of my life.

Dances were big in middle school and the eighth grade dance was the biggest of all. I was a bit of a loner and always kept to myself. Therefore, to no one's surprise I was dateless to the dance that night. Jared, my best friend, decided that he thought the night was a pointless event of awkwardness as well so we decided to see a movie he had really wanted to see. The film was Mission to Mars, and it was one of the worst movies I had ever seen in my life. But Jared and I just sat in Asheboro's empty, two dollar theatre and laughed at everything about the film. I can remember in detail everything we laughed at and how fun it was thinking that we could make a film just as good as that. I can almost promise I would have long forgotten the eighth grade dance by now. Now every time I see Mission to Mars on television I realize how fun it was to be that age and how quickly eight years can pass.

I read the Lord of the Ring's novels when I was very young, too young to remember what age I read them. So when I found out there would movies about them I was met with a wave of anticipation and deep-seated fear. Over the course of three years, right around Christmas time I was treated to an experience like no other. My parents and I would always buy the tickets weeks in advance and get their hours early on opening night. Lord of the Ring's enthusiasts and film fanatics alike would line the doors for what seemed like miles to see the film on opening night. For three holiday seasons my parents and I were always there. My mom still pretends she likes the films and my dad has long since given up the guise. They do it for me, so I will have the experience. I'm just glad I have them to share it with. My eclectic group of friends, from cheerleaders and football stars to art class, punk rock kids knew how much I liked the films, so we always made the time to go see the Lord of the Rings movies, all ten or so of us.

Movies are escapism but they are also so much more than that. They are chronicles of our own lives. They are experiences with loved ones. Movies define us as who we are. We as people go to movies and allow them to change our mind about things or experience something we are unaccustomed to. Movies are life and I believe who we are happens to be shaped by a simple twenty-four frames per second.

Free Drinks

In face book there's an option for open relationship in your "marital" status. These relationships really don't make sense to me. I believe the point in a relationship is to be monogamous – otherwise you’re just dating and there is a difference. You cannot love someone you do not trust and you cannot trust some one who isn’t honest. If you’re cheating on some one then you aren’t being honest and honesty is essential to having a healthy long-term relationship.

I won't say that I will never cheat on a significant other – things happen and I have eaten "never" before, but the point is: I happen to want to be faithful. Being faithful isn't always easy, especially not in the college lifestyle. Opportunities and suggestions come into play for which I cannot always be prepared. I have learned through trial and error that it is a good idea to stay out of situations that become awkward to get out of later.

Case in point, I like to go to the bar with my girls -- this usually means that I will get dressed up because I enjoy that on a night out. I just turned twenty-one and have recently discovered a bar down town that I really enjoy. With my best friend, Tiffany, in tow I will walk up to the bar, order a drink for me (a 32 oz pitcher of some concoction that doesn’t taste alcoholic but that is probably half liquor) and a rum and coke pitcher for Tiffany. We find a place to sit down saving two seats for the girls who are meeting us there.

A guy I saw previously at the bar, who had asked me what I was drinking, sits down across the table and gives us a "what's up" nod. I smile and nod. When the waitress comes over he tells her he wants to buy us another pitcher of whatever we want even though I'm barely half way through my first and Tiffany has barely started hers. He's staring at my cleavage while the waitress relates to me that he wants to buy me a drink. I don't mind the stare – I wore what I did on purpose. I do turn down the drink. He gets the idea after a minute or two, and goes to look elsewhere. Shortly thereafter the girls we are meeting sit down at the table with pitchers in hand and Tiffany relates the story. Heather looks at me wide-eyed.

"We aren't friends any more. You never turn down free drinks!" She's joking about not being friends any more, but the latter part of the sentence she's more serious about.

But I do turn down free drinks. There is a suggestion behind buying a girl a drink and there is a suggestion behind accepting a drink. Not to mention that the more alcohol I drink the less clearly I will be thinking about my actions. I don't want to lead them on about who I'll be going home with at the end of the night.

There was a lyric in a Savage Garden song that said “I believe that trust is more important than monogamy” which I would agree with to some extent. But not being monogamous in a relationship is a lie and how can there be trust with lie between two people? Granted it was a Savage Garden lyric and very rarely should you take pop lyrics seriously, but it was something that used to make me think about the kind of relationship that I wanted.

And besides all that, my boyfriend was my DD.

The Butterfly

I believe in keeping my head straight, and not letting jealousy, insecurity, or greed rear its ugly head. I believe in believing in myself, and knowing that I can only do the best I can do, and sometimes it will be good enough, and sometimes it won’t. Most of all, I believe in concentrating on the lane I'm in, and letting all of the other lanes next to me fade away.

Let me explain: I am an avid swimmer. I have been swimming since I can remember; when I was old enough to stand, my father has been showing me all that he knows in the little pools of our various apartment complexes. Every summer that I have been alive since the age of two has been spent mostly in a swimming pool, where I would play with my friends, from dawn until dusk, until my skin was all in wrinkles. I always raced them (when they were obliging) and of course I always won. By the time I was in elementary school, I had really honed my abilities as a swimmer.

It was only natural that I join the Gamecocks swimming team in Columbia, South Carolina, which was the children’s version of the real college swimming team. It was awesome, being able to see the hovering figures come into the locker rooms after practice, dripping wet and teasing each other with jokes and towel-whips. When I climbed upstairs to the pool arena, with two Olympic-size pools and one diving pool, it overjoyed me to see the water still in movement from their wake. I always jumped in and started my warm-up laps, pretending I was one of them.

The team was divided into three levels: Bronze, Silver, and Gold. As a beginner, I started out on the Bronze team, but because of my experience, I quickly moved up to Silver. But Gold was my real goal. The Gold team was famous for having hell week which meant that the coach would make us swim until we threw-up our last meals--for seven days straight. I finally made it to the Gold team after two years of swimming for the Gamecocks, when I was a ten-year-old child.

My father’s favorite stroke easily became my own: the butterfly. It’s apparently the hardest style for most people to swim because it takes incredible upper-body strength, but it came naturally to me. The coach noticed this and started to prepare me for the main butterfly event at the first meet of the season.

It was a home-meet, and I remember to this day jumping off that block, swimming those one-hundred yards so calmly, paying attention only to my breath and the wave of my own body, ignoring the shouts of my team-members, the whistles from my parents, and everything else around me. I was all Zen. As soon as I finished the laps and hit the wall, my team was at my head screaming, “You made third place! You’re going to the finals!” I was shocked. I had always done well in events, but never well enough to make it to the finals. Not only did I make the top ten, I made it to third place! I had out-swam about fifty other girls.

Later that evening was a different story, however. I remember standing on the block and thinking that every girl was better than me, even though I had beaten most of them only hours earlier. Where Zen was supposed to be, there was only anxiety and paranoia. From the moment I entered the water, I kept my eyes on the swimmer to my right, until I was back at the wall. This is hard to do while swimming the butterfly, since the style requires that you are constantly looking ahead. While I was racing, I was wasting my emotional energy thinking, “Is she beating me? How much farther is she ahead of me? I have to be faster!" and my physical energy turning my head to the side to watch her. I finished the event in seventh place. I was disappointed in myself, and I knew that my team was disappointed in me too.

Since then, I've come to realize that the best you can do for yourself is to keep your head straight, be confident while you swim, and keep your eyes to your own lane. Try not to focus on the swimmers you're competing against. That is not to say that you should always ignore everyone around you; sometimes I keep my eyes on a well-paced swimmer in the pool, so that I stay motivated to swim faster and longer, as a sort of guide. Some people are in our lives for that very purpose. But we need to trust our own abilities, our own limits, and our own bests, instead of worrying whether our neighbor has a better car, a handsomer spouse, or a greener lawn, for examples. When you do that you only lose your own energy--and let everyone else pass you by.