I should have been a scientist

It's inevitable. The question always comes up shortly after the obligatory handshake and the "my name is...nice to meet you."

"So what do you do John?"

I've been dreading the question with such with such vigor that I can't even remember the guy's name. Truth is, I wasn't really listening when he told me 30 seconds earlier. I was too busy fumbling for an alibi. Should i be the graphic designer this time? A bank teller? Maybe I should go with the "I work for the government, that's all I can tell you" bit. Alas, I'm too honest and a terrible liar to boot. I come clean. I'm a musician.

I hate that word, musician. I think its best reserved for the first chair violinist in the Boston Philharmonic. Only someone of that mold could do the name any justice in the eyes of masses. Try telling your mom that you're bringing home your new boyfriend "the musician." I think you'd save yourself a lot of trouble if you went with a blatant lie. Keep that musician secret under wraps, it's not worth the trouble.

A musician can't be taken seriously and I'll be the first to admit that most really shouldn't. After all, it's not a label you have to earn. Any Joe Six-String can call himself a musician. Go buy a guitar, maybe a drum set. If you're really a glutton for punishment just go ahead and call yourself a singer. Your car and shower might beg to differ if they could say their piece but I don't think we'll be hearing from them. So now that we've upped the population of those calling themselves musicians, let's think of all those wonderful adjectives that go with the namesake.

Lazy rebel. Uneducated dreamer. Promiscuous, drug-lovin' heathen. Tight-pants-wearing, unathletic pompous joker with a god complex. As with many stereotypes, the mass media might be the biggest culprit in perpetuating this image. Tommy Lee's newest fling or the latest drug overdose will always win airtime over Rivers Cuomo's new BA from Harvard. It's expected, but why do the majority of wannabe-rock-star "musicians" feel compelled to back the rest of us into a corner. Those lacking in talent often have to make up for it by "playing the part." No talent + alcohol problem + eyeliner = socially confirmed musician. It's all just a vicious cycle of life informing art informing life. That sounds like something a musician would say.

And then there's my friend, your standard musician with a sleeve of tattoos and a drinking problem. Hard to believe he went to college on a golf scholarship and regularly shoots in the low 70's. How about the virgin with a degree in theology? He's currently on the road with his band making six figures a year. Or me, a 2x state champion wrestler in a 10-year relationship. Musicians- I guess we're not all crackheads after all.