You can't go to that metaphorical home again.

It's too late before you realize that you can never go back to the person you before. It happens for us all. We grow up both physically and emotionally. But there are exceptions of course and some people force themselves to be cookie-cutter representations of their parents for the rest of their lives. They basically don’t evolve, because their evolution is just fine-tuning the person that they already were. With those exceptions, those of us lucky enough to go off to college realize that once you’ve moved on with your life…you can’t go home again.

Physically you can go to the place that you were born, but emotionally you cannot. You have changed. The experiences that you have during the ‘growing up’ process alter you. This happens whether you like it or not. It was hard for me, because of all the things that had been ingrained in my head as a child were now being questioned. I was born into a household where intellgence was not pushed. I was pushed in school to merely do my best, which is a good thing of course, but that was about it. My parents are educated people in their specific fields. Both of my parents work in the law enforcement field, so having an intellectual conversation is sometimes a struggle. Most of the nights that I spent at my parent's home consisted of watching Cops and hearing about who had gotten into a police chase that day. My parents wanted me to remain in that mold of a rednecky, country boy but I had been changed. My brain had opened up to new possibilities and it was hard for me to admit that my parents already knew. They already knew that I had chosen to go down a that different road.

It was extremely hard for me because I wanted to stay the way that I was, believing the same things I did before and changing into the person that my parents wanted me to be, but I knew that that was impossible. The different emotions that I felt when I went home were hard to turn off. I saw things differently than I did before. I wanted to get angry with my parents because of the idiotic belief systems that they had. I wanted to hate them for their close-mindedness on certain topics. I wanted to scream at them and make them understand all the different things that I had had my mind turned on to, but they wouldn’t understand even if I did. They aren't simple people but they are merely intellegent in their own fields.

The many ways in which we as people grow away from the ones that we love so dearly is amazing. The fact that I basically grew up on a farm is an easy way to explain why I can’t go home and expect my dad to understand the new poem that I wrote. I can’t expect them to be able to talk to me about books that they will never read. That’s why they say that you can’t ever go home again. You’ve changed. You’re a different person once you have entered another world. Your life is altered and you can’t change back to the person you once were. Your life is on a different course just because you have seen and experienced different things.

These different paths that I have taken throughout the course of my life have made it to where I cannot go home again. I have veered off the path of what my parents wanted for me in my life. They weren’t too happy about my tattoos. But in spite of it all my parents are proud of me because I have grown up. I am a man now and even though things may not be exactly the way they planned, they know that I can’t go to that metaphorical home again and they are okay with that.