Friendship is the Foundation

The best friend is likely to acquire the best wife, because a good marriage is based on the talent for friendship. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Through our lives we develop many different relationships with others, from friendship to romance. Some relations will only remain a friendship, while others grow to be much more. Some will become a romantic partner, but never a friend. Whatever the connection, this bond is strongest if based upon friendship.

A friend is someone you can rely on for anything, despite how inconvenient or complicated your needs may be. You would hope that your significant other would have the same qualities as your friends, but that is not always the case. I see it all the time—boyfriends and girlfriends treating their friends better than they treat each other. Why do people often treat others, even complete strangers, better than their partner? It all ties back to the foundation of their relationship.

Serious relationships I have experienced have all been different; all the guys were distinct in characteristics and values. I have seen the effects of dating a close friend and dating someone I knew only as a boyfriend. From both experiences, there was an immense difference not only in the relationship, but the aftermath. An exsisting friendship made one relationship genuine and fulfilling, while the other felt empty and fake.

My first boyfriend was a guy I had only met twice during middle school. Our relationship sprung on the factor of mutual attraction. We started dating after only one week; we barely knew one another. All that mattered to me was the basics: nice, funny, and cute. As our relationship progressed, I started to realize how empty most of our conversations were. Sure, we agreed on many things such as what the best Will Ferrell movie of all time is, but nothing deeper. Where was the connection? I thought over time we’d become closer. It turns out we only became each other’s company: someone to prevent boredom. My assumption was this is what relationships were—hanging out after school, holding hands, and writing “I love Chris” everyday on my right hand. Although I didn’t know any different, I did notice something was missing. Something important.

Daniel was one of my best friends from 9^th grade on. Every aspect of high school we experienced together. He was the type of friend I could trust with absolutely anything. I admired his kindness; he was always smiling and never selfish. Sophomore year of college, Daniel expressed his feelings for me, and right then I knew there was much more to our friendship. We were already close, yet we still took our time dating to see how things went—nobody wants to jeopardize a friendship. Soon after, we were officially “together.” The relationship was based on all the right things: honesty, caring, understanding, and most importantly friendship. This relationship was completely different than any other I had before. The fact that we had such a strong friendship made our relationship genuine. Of course you act differently when someone becomes your boyfriend; however the bond we had was indestructible. Our feelings were not only passionate but intimate. I didn’t just rely on him for taking me out to dinner, but for someone to listen and relate to. He wasn’t just my boyfriend; he was my best friend.

A year later we decided to break up after we began to drift apart, but there were no hard feelings. Some people might believe the “we could never be friends” notion would apply here, but it doesn’t. Our friendship is more important than any problem we had as boyfriend and girlfriend. Daniel and I took the time to let ourselves be distant; this way our future encounters wouldn’t be awkward. He is still one of my best friends, and that is a bond that will never break up.