How to Pick Up Chicks in a Club

~Foreword~

What you have magically stumbled upon is the ultimate guide to picking up chicks in a club. Shrouded by anonymity and sworn to secrecy, I am giving you the secrets that will have you picking up chicks in a club more easily than any man before you. You will be a force to be reckoned with. One read of this and you will be granted forbidden powers. By following these scenarios exactly, you will be granted an eternal spot in pick up Valhalla. This is the magic pill.

~Introduction~

My World of Warcraft friends and I have broken the club down into three strategic zones for picking up chicks which include the entrance area, the bar, and the dance floor. These are the best areas to pick up the hot chicks with our magic powers. Choose your battleground.

~The Entrance Area~

Make your way past the doorman and spot the cute cashier. She is probably dying of boredom and loneliness because not a single guy has approached her yet. Hit on her. She's practically asking for it. Tell her, I hope all the girls in the club are as pretty as you. When she asks for your cover charge, give her a big wink, maybe even an airkiss and ask, You're going to make ME pay? Repeat the words, c'mon, and continue winking. Then, bring out the big guns, the deadliest three questions a chick magnet like yourself asks chicks back to back to back. They practically melt. What's your name? Where ya from? What do you do for fun? After she hears these questions and knows that you are genuinely interested in her, it's time to get her number. Say in your meekest, nerdiest voice like in the movies, So, can I call ya sometime? Should be a done deal. Movies are just like real life. She definitely likes you. Give her a seductive one liner, maybe some Shakespeare. Kiss her on the hand and make your way to the dance floor. Score one for the home team.

~The Dance Floor~

Upon entering the club, take a look around. Stare even. Do not smile or look like you're having fun. Remember, you're too cool for this. Bad asses don't smile. Give the club your best I'm horny face. Make your way through the dance floor and give every girl your doggy eyes. Then, find a comfortable wall to stand against. As you stand against the wall, try your hardest to look cool. Look around and just wait for the chicks to flock to your aura of coolness. Stay on the wall. If tons of attractive women haven't asked you to dance, you probably didn't wear enough cologne. Nonetheless, it is time to make your move. Find a girl who is dancing with her girlfriends and sneak up from behind her. Chicks dig this. Proceed to grind "all up on that." She will swoon at your incredible and unique dance style. Clutch her hips tightly. This will convey all the right things like, I want you so bad it's creepy and I'm desperate. Chicks dig this, too. To quote Chris Farley in Billy Madison, I know from experience. Next, ask for her number in the same fashion as the cashier girl and make your way to the bar. Score Two.

~The Bar~

Make your way to the bar. In your most ostentatious voice say to the bartender, I'll have a glass of your most expensive champagne. After thoroughly impressing the entire bar with your "balla" status, creep up to the closest group of hot chicks. I now introduce another deadly piece in your arsenal, the hand on the lower back. Throw both your hands on the lower back's of the two chicks facing away from you and smugly ask, Can I buy you lovely ladies something to drink? They will be taken off of their feet by your gentlemanly ways. Guys never do this stuff. They will practically be ready for you to take them home with you right now but for logistic's sake, order a round of appletinis for them. To truly seal the deal, drop the chick pick up cluster bombs. What are your names? Where ya girls from? What do you all do for fun? Kaboooooom. They'll feel the rapport. Close in on the ugliest one and say, I feel a real connection with you, it's funny. Ya know, I don't find myself feeling these feelings for just anyone. Can I call ya sometime? She'll feel it too. Trust me. Score three.

~Closing~

What I have shown you is some extremely powerful stuff. Please use wisely. If you throw caution to the wind and abuse your new powers, you will have chicks following you home or begging you in the club to take them home with you. Use your powers wisely. Now, go my friend, pick up chicks.

*Disclaimer*

Satire warning, do not actually do this stuff. Intended for comedic purposes only.