One Night Stand Etiquette

Admit it. You've been there once or twice. Not quite knowing whether you should spend the night or leave with a curt kiss on the cheek and an "I'll call you". These are common questions that plague the lust-filled world of one night stands. One night stands, while often full of excitement and passion, often leave you awkward and unsure of proper etiquette. Here are a few ground rules that one should take into consideration before diving head-first into the tangled web of sheets, sweat, and one-time sex.

First and foremost, be prepared. No one wants to wake up regretful and covered in a rash. That would just prove to be debilitating for following one night stands. However, know that if your possible-partner is actually prepared, that they probably do this often. Regardless, as telling as it may be to carry a condom, tuck it in your wallet or bra and feel better knowing that anti-itch medicine will not be on next weeks grocery list.

Second, don't get too personal. Do you really need to know their favorite movie or even their last name for that matter? By keeping your distance, no one gets hurt. Such things as hand-holding, pet names, and conversation are faux paus in the world of one night stands. If necessary develop a pseudo name, such as "Ginger" or "Ken", to keep your anonymity for this purely physical act. Stay away from emotional topics, such as the popular, feeling-invoking question "Are you single?" . Irrelevant information in the realm of one night stands.

Third, never approach a one night stand potential that you will run into on a regular basis, such as a co-worker or classmate. Awkwardness will ultimately ensue, resulting in stiff sideways hugs and empty promises of getting together soon. If such a situation becomes unavoidable, pull the "I blacked out, what happened?" card immediately and be on your way with a heavy heart and a lesson learned.

The fourth rule is to never leave your number. One night stands are by definition, one night. Fulfill the obligatory cuddle rule by counting to fifteen, then clearing your throat, and getting up for a drink of water. Get out fast with tales of your dog at home or an early work meeting. If your partner is a well-rehearsed one night stander as well, your quick exit will be followed with a "Thanks for the fun" and a locked door. But if you are unable to escape that night, it's always great to have a back up plan for emergencies the next morning. A simply sigh of, "Our children will be so cute..." or a mention of how they remind you of your mother will send them running and leave you with a smile and a great story for the grand kids.

The fifth, and final rule to keep in mind is an often talked about phenomenon that occurs the morning after. The "Walk of Shame" is an inevitable consequence of the one night stand lifestyle. Ideally, you are able to make it out before daylight, free from the harsh stares and whispers of roommates. But one must plan accordingly in the instance that you wake up to the warm, mid-morning sunlight bathing your liquor soaked body. Keep your eyes on the sidewalk and if possible, engage yourself in an intense cellphone conversation as you make your way past the judging eyes of church goers and neighbors. Ladies have it a bit worse in regards to the walk of shame. Saturday night stilettos and glitter do not translate well on Sunday mornings. Plan ahead by wearing light colors and carrying eye make-up remover.

While the one night stand lifestyle can often become tiresome and overrated, keep things new and exciting by mixing it up with new locations and colorful prophylactics. By following the rules and knowing proper etiquette, you can help avoid a sticky situation and be able to hold your head up high for that long walk back to your car. Happy humping!