"I need my pixture took!"

"I need my pixture took!" This statement, accompanied by a serious face, brought my happily operating world to a halt, prompting the response, "I'm sorry, what?" Since the statement had completely confused me, this was the only response I could provide to the individual standing in the doorway. The fellow repeated his statement in a polite tone, saying instead, "I need my pixture taken." I smiled politely and explained, before politely escorting him to the passport camera, that the crinkling of my nose was the need to sneeze.

As if communicating with people isn't complicated enough, the invention of new words continues to astound me. On a daily basis I am assaulted by words I have never heard before, such as pixture, prolly, teef, pellow, yeller, winder, biz-ness and of course the mutilation of my hometown's name, Widesville, aka Whiteville. All of these inventive pronunciations make work more interesting than normal conversation ever could.

How hard is it to pronounce words correctly or use them in the appropriate context? I cannot count the number of times I have heard this statement, "I have a great pitcher of you at the house."... Pitcher...of what? Tea? Lemonade? Fruit Punch? As I utter these comments under my breath I politely smile and thank the offending person for the picture they are trying to provide me with.

Being an aspiring reporter, I have questioned several individuals on their use of these terms and have discovered that there are two responses I receive. The first response is honest confusion followed by the statement, "I didn't know I pronounced it wrong." To which my silent response is...."Well according to Webster and the rest of the population....you are." The second response is usually anger, because I have "dared" to question the way an individual speaks. This response has lead to loud, one sided, conversations accompanied by failing arms and screeching that I still can't ascribe a meaning to. After the screeching has stopped and my ears have quit ringing, I apologize for offending the person and move on. At least now they have an interesting story to tell about a crazy girl, who said they couldn't talk (which is not what I said).

This mutilation of language annoys me to a greater extent now, than it did before. I blame this in part on becoming an intern at a local newspaper. After all, if I included these words the way they are pronounced and used by the majority of the population - and by some act of God made it past my editors; the individuals I had quoted would be extremely upset, and my boss would receive countless complaints concerning my inadequacy as a reporter.

I understand that the majority of the population does not speak like this (at least I hope they don't) and I admit that there are some words I mutilate as well, such as saying "scuse me," for excuse me. However, I believe that to impress individuals one should speak plainly and correctly, especially when the individual is conducting an interview and will print quoted material in the newspaper. However, if an individual speaks in this fashion, I think reporters should be able to print words and phrases exactly as they are pronounced and used. After all, it is a direct quote.