Life=Adversity

I always imagined that my senior year would be the easiest out of all four years. For some reason, it made sense to believe that after three years, you would have your college and personal life down pat, and be ready to get a “real” job. Days of wondering how the rent is going to be paid, and if you studied enough for that terrible exam, would almost be over and life should be good.According to my thinking if my bills were paid and I had groceries, it couldn't be that bad. However, life is messy and the older I get the more complicated my problems seem to become.

I thought totaling my car a week after I bought it was devastating. Or living on tuna, crackers, and Ramen for an entire week because I was broke and jobless. Being stranded an hour outside of Wilmington seemed pretty bad. Especially since I was a lone girl on a dark road with no power to my vehicle. I had to wait an hour for a tow truck to come as the heat slowly seeped out and was replaced by the freezing temperature outside. I thought life was messy then. My car, my money, my ten page paper were the worst problems I knew yet. I didn’t know what I know now: if it can get messier it will; and if you think you can handle just about anything then something else will be thrown your way.

Right now, I have reached my breaking point. Three things have happened in the past week to make me consider how much personal strength I possess. Two are hard blows; one life changing. Sitting down and thinking, it’s overwhelming to realize how much your life can change in just one freaking week. I wonder what would happen if I just gave up, said screw it all and pulled the covers over my head and didn’t make an appearance until spring. What happens if I truly give in and give up? Will I end up much further from where I am now? Will life be any better if I keep trudging on crisis after crisis?

My mom wrote me an email and said she hasn’t heard from me for weeks, but that it’s probably because of all my projects, papers, and exams that I have going on. My only wish right now is that life would stop long enough for those to be my main priorities. I thought my senior year would be most difficult because of school; in actuality, it’s trying to even concentrate on school when my life seems to be turned upside down.

I know that I can make it through a lot. I have been supporting myself and making my own decisions since I was 17. I am a self-sufficient person. I know, logically, that crises make me stronger and I am a better person for it. However, sometimes enough is enough. I wonder how much more I can suck up and still keep on keeping on. I’m strong, but not that strong. In the end, I have no choice, as I guess most of us don’t. But every once in a while, I think it’s okay and even necessary to absolutely give up. Just for a second; right before you keep trudging on. So I give up.