A mental goat rodeo

The question is inevitable for a college senior.

"So, are you going to graduate on time?"

If the answer is yes, there follow up is "do you know what you're doing after that?"

Since I was 16, I have been able to answer that question with confidence. My response has always been some varying form of "Yep, I'm going to go into sports writing / television / radio."

The response was usually one of shock, as most kids my age barely knew what kind of liquor they'd be drinking that evening.

With five years invested in my career and five months remaining until graduation, most everyone my age has finally pulled it together and found something that they want to do.

I went the other way. Five years into my 'career,' I have no idea if this is what I want to do with my life anymore.

I still love sports and I still love writing. I like the feeling of writing a story that captures the despair of a moment or explains someone’s personality. Mostly everyone that I’ve ever worked with has been great and I enjoy going into work on just about every trip.

I have noticed that when I’m at home I find myself flipping past ESPN a little bit more. I rarely read newspapers anymore and I can see that some people in the business aren’t happy. A lot of the more famous sportswriters turn into cynical assholes who hate everyone and everything, screaming out obvious points and making little sense.

I’m sitting in the office right now. I’ve got my dinner on my desk, a basketball game on television over my desk and we’ve been talking about the BCS all night. It’s basically how I’d spend part of my evening with friends.

However, some of those evenings can wear on you. I had planned to be out of work around midnight on Saturday to go out with some friends. I probably would have made it, except for all hell broke loose when Missouri and West Virginia both lost and most of the section had to be redone for second edition.

I couldn’t even enjoy how awesome the football games were because I was praying that they’d end quickly so I could get out of there. I ended up leaving at about 12:45 and had to go home to get ready to go.

Those long nights can wear you out during the week as well, with homework and all of that fun stuff still needing to be done. My time management skills are god awful. Mix that with my night-owl tendencies, and sometimes, I don’t start my work until 2 a.m. That makes for a lovely morning.

Working from 5 p.m. until 2 a.m. isn’t something that I envision myself doing for the next 20 years. But, there’s going to come a day when this is about more than me.

From my desk I can hear a coworker tell his daughter goodnight after a few minutes on the phone. The brief phone call is a large portion of his contact with her on days he has to work.
Not only is it hard to support a family emotionally in the journalism business, but also financially. The money is an absolute joke. I’ve seen ‘good’ jobs for college graduates that pay just over $20,000 per year.

The money isn’t getting any better due to the fact that many people are getting their news online now. Job security isn’t great either as newspapers are having to watch their finances due to lost money.

Am I overly concerned with the money? Maybe, but that’s no one else’s problem but my own. The thing is, that I’m not trying to sell my soul. I could still write on the side, but I want a steady job that I enjoy. My mom is ‘disappointed’ because she thinks I’m going to chase the money.

Does this blog even make any sense? Probably not. That’s how little the situation makes sense to me. I can feel the disorganization of my thoughts coming out on the page, but for some reason, it's comforting to see them there.

Who knows, maybe I’ll get the internship that I applied for at the Washington Post.

That’ll solve everything…