This Is Always Home

It was almost time to leave everything I’d known home behind and begin a life without adult supervision. College meant I’d be an hour and a half away from my family, I’d be living in a dorm, and I would no longer have to abide by parental rules. It didn’t mean the same thing to my parents. The closer it got to my “grand move,” the more my dad nagged me. When I say nagged I mean he was constantly on my case about something. It only frustrated me and made me want to get out of the house even sooner. I later realized that was the way he dealt with having to let go. He did the same thing to my brother three years after they sent me away to college. The attitude I got from the situation came across to my parents as, “I don’t want to be here. I don’t need you telling me what to do. Good bye.” Of course I didn't think that. It didn't help that I was short with them meaning, I only answered there questions with as few words possible in our conversations. They said it was like pulling teeth trying to talk to me.

I was overjoyed on move-in day. I told myself that I wasn’t going to cry when my parents left me alone, but the emotions were unbearable. The moment I saw my mother's eyes fill with tears, the same happened to me. We all embraced each other. We even joked about who received a longer hug so more hugs were shared to make up for it. That helped take the focus away from our tears and turned it into laughter. As I watched my family walk down my dormitory hallway, I realized that even though I’d been on edge with them at home, I was sad to see them go.

It wasn’t long before I was calling them to simply talk. It took a while for my dad to stop saying, “You must want something,” when he first heard my voice on the other line. He didn’t mean it to come across as negative; however, he was skeptical of my new perspective. I’d realized how much I needed my parents in my life. I valued their opinion and point of view, and they were the ones I could trust most. I lost so many things when I left for college. My best friends all went to different schools. I realized communication with my friends may lessen but never had to with my family.

For the first two weeks I felt like I was living a life on edge simply because I could do anything I wanted without asking permission. I decided what and when to eat, when I wanted to go to bed, and that it was okay to leave at midnight to go out with friends. I wasn’t doing anything crazy but because I was doing everything on my own, I was living the life. The humorous aspect was that I found I almost felt guilty when I was out past the curfew my parents set for me. It was then that I began to question what it would be like when I went home. Would I still have a curfew or where they going to treat me as the adult I felt I’d become in two weeks?

The time came to take the drive on I-40 to my home. I was ready and anxious. When I arrived home, their tearful embrace was all I needed to know I was home. For the first time I recognized the smell of my house. My mom didn’t let me leave a room without her following me. It seemed she had so much to talk about, so much to ask me. At times it may have been annoying but it was also empowering. I seemed to have the upper hand in the household now. My parents wanted to do everything that made me happy. Mom wanted to cook whatever I wanted. My dad was there to fire the grill, go for a run, or crack a joke with me. To see me smile and see me happy is all my parents have ever wanted. All I have ever wanted is to make them proud.

Over the past four years of college, I have only hoped to make my parents proud and make decision that will lead to a bright future. Because they instilled in me values and taught me what is right and wrong, I’ve been grounded. Going to college changed me. A bond formed with my parents. I was officially daddy’s little girl. My mom was my best friend. I've learned more than I anticipated prior to college. Particurally, my semester in Europe opened my eyes to other cultures and lifestyles. I came back after six months in Europe and felt like a grown adult. I felt more mature because I'd been exposed to so many things. I gained, for example, the understanding that European citizens know more about America than most Americans know about their own country. Hence why Americans are considered ignorant.

My parents have told me that their home is always my home. Even after four years at college my mother still says to me, “No matter where you move, this is your home.” I know I’m always welcome and will never hesitate to return to the familiarities, smells, and comforts of home.