Home Life

The night that I left for college was the saddest night of my life. I'm an only child and I'm extremely attached to my parents, so I was afraid of the great unknown. I was going to be 300 miles from home with no friends or contacts. I was certain my life would change, and change it did.

Ever since that night my life has been in limbo. Every time I go home I see my old room and it feels like I'm home. But I'm not. All my stuff may be piled in the same place I left it, but something always feels off. All my friends from high school have been scattered by the wind. And with our differing schedules, it's almost impossible to arrange a time when we're all home. After three years of college, I still walk into my room and feel overcome with bottled memories and emotions. Opening up my door at home is like opening Pandora's Box or stepping through a time portal that puts me in the exact mind frame I was in when I was growing up there.

Life at college is an experience. It's an experience that I feel like everyone should have. There are no rules anymore as to how to live your life. However, I never feel completely at home when I'm at college. At first it was obvious because I was in the on-campus dorms, and those could be easily mistaken for prison cells. But then I was in a nicer apartment, adorned with all my favorite things, and I still felt like I couldn't call it home. Nothing at college seemed to be mine. I couldn't unwind and completely be myself.

I didn't know how to deal with this feeling of not having a place to call home. Of course my parents reassured me that the place I grew up would always have a bed there for me. But it just didn't seem right, so I stopped going home as much. I began to get used to my place here more. After awhile I started going home on average about only once a semester. Yet, I still felt like something was missing from my life.

I've come to realize that when you leave for college your life completely changes. You can't go back home and expect to have everything taken care of by your parents. You can't be in your backyard and kick the ground and have that piece of earth truly be yours. I guess I should consider myself lucky because I have been able to do that in my life and some kids haven't. I have felt at home at 8205 New Hope for the majority of my life. Now I'm just waiting until the day I can have my own place and my own family and feel at home once again.