Give The Kind of Love You Want to Get

Being in a relationship, be it romantic or just friend/family-based, is like taking a journey with another person. Growing up, I remember always hearing the phrase "doing life together," and it serves as a perfectly simple definition of what a healthy relationship should be. Personally, I have several standards--keys if you will--to guide me in doing my best in avoiding missteps along the path of life I travel with another.

Honesty, obviously, should permeate ever inch of a relationship. How can you really love someone, truly find happiness, if you can't look the person you care about in the eyes and say, "You're being selfish," or "I don't like it when you treat me this way"? Honesty isn't easy because you want the person you're involved with to know you on a deeper level than most others know you. You want to feel that you can count on that person to be supportive, to respect you despite the stupid things you do when you've had too much to drink or had a bad day at work. While honesty is important throughout a relationship, it is essential at the beginning. The start is such a thrilling yet vulnerable time and there are so many instances in which I've completely ignored issues that were apparent from the start--mysteries about the other person that I marked as intriguing rather than troubling--but that, in time, began to eat away at our bond from the inside out. I've found it's best to just be upfront about the things that bother you. If you "can't stand superficial people," don't start dating someone notorious for saying "This conversation is waaaay too deep for me," or "I think I'm a Democrat. Wait a minute, let me call my dad."

But even in the right relationship, the person you love will say things and do things that drive you up the wall. I am most guilty of doing this. I often speak and act without thinking. I am selfish with my own opinion, feelings. Just because something sparks a sudden surge of emotion within me doesn't give me the right to interrupt or to offend someone else. I possess an impulsive personality that gets me in trouble on a daily basis--at home, in class, at work. I'm working on these things, but as I struggle I am desperate for forgiveness. And the willingness to forgive and forget are two primary elements of a healthy relationship. Accepting that everyone makes mistakes and in turn deserves a second, a third, a twentieth chance is the only way to survive one of the countless arguments that take place in any relationship. It's easy to let resentment build within you and fester until it becomes a hateful bitterness that will destroy a relationship. That's why it's essential to learn to let things go. Show others the grace that you would want to be shown to you. That kind of love is the purest possible.

The feeling you get when that love is given to you is indescribable. Having to put up with me on a daily basis, my boyfriend is one of the most understanding and caring people I have ever met. I look at him sometimes after I've done something careless, and I am overwhelmed by his ability to just smile-- to laugh off the awkwardness and the frustration that we've probably created out of stress, or misunderstanding. He has taught me that a sense of humor is the only way to get by. You can refuse to give in and be upset until everyone you care about has left you--or you can accept that, most of the time, you can't control the situation. If it's not up to you--what else is there to do than laugh about it with someone you care about?

So I've learned to smile with contentment when things are good. To laugh when they're not so great. And to be thankful, each day, to be breathing alongside someone who, even in my messiest moments, loves me simply because of who I am.

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