A Piece of My Relationsihp with Writing

If I try to analyze relationships as a novice writer is the same as a baby talking about the theory of relativity. I'm not a doctor, but I might consider my self a writer. Successful, probably not. I enjoy it and this is all that matters for me. I can sit down and have a conversation with a hidden alter ego then watch it come alive on paper (Does that mean because my thoughts aren't on paper or screen that they're dead?). Some of the biggest hurdles in writing are overcome by constant practice, as they are in most aspects of life. For myself the problem lies in lack of motivation about certain subject matter. I also feel the subjective attitude in writing is an issue, who is to assume the position of expertise in writing. Just two things I have trouble agreeing with, but I respect a good piece like anybody else.

When I write I sit my room facing a window, it's where I look when I try to focus and catch some of the "interesting" thoughts in the inside. I translate them into my hand which does the majority of the writers grunt work.

Writing's great because its free, free in the sense that I never have to get anything from somebody else to do the act. Like the saying goes freedom does comes with a price. The pressure of trying to create these interesting and creatively unique prose, well its not exactly easy. Figuring out what sets you apart and what makes me realize if I should have the wits for creativity is a muck-stuck trap. I often times find it hard to squeeze out of that trap of autonomy which writing puts me in.

Side note on the reality of writing:
The creation that comes from sitting back, recounting the steps, visualizing the final content, it's all part of it. Well I wonder what actually goes into these thoughts: a few like, where they come from, and how I'm thinking about such ideas and why. Real deep introspective kind of stuff, right? What constitutes the actual reality of what writing things down and if I mean them to be true.

Note on research of introspection:
Insight bred by research into these alternate tangent thoughts sometimes shows something new. While I am wondering or researching events or conceptual ideas that will illuminate some low lit dungeon of individualism where the idea rest- up there, this is where the knights in shinning armor are constantly searching for their princess.

Note on topic areas:
They're are supposed to be the brain children of unique and individual creativity muse; unfortunately, these little balls of topic light usually don't contain what I'm looking for.

Wishful thoughts for a flawless style create an interesting motivation. When I feel like writing I'm tragically distraught, it's really damn subjective. The pieces I write usually aren't part of some sort of meaningful puzzle, there's no sense of oneness intertwined between these topic areas. Best put, I'm definitely not always writing at my fullest potential, my mind could be heavily weighing in on bigger problematic issues I might be going through at the time. These issues do what stress is best at, cloaking. The cloaks created by stress dampen the muse attitude.

With out the worry about the technical process' in writing interaction. During the process I am allowed a break to utter my indifference's. This the healing power in writing gives me positive vibes, that's cliche?

Writing in turn offers me an ambitious attainable outlet where I can shovel the shit I think of out of my brain onto blank space. Life would be good to have a secure place in the world of writing. Assuming it I could come up with the patience to survive the writing process all the time. One last thing, the philosophical undertones in my prose don't yet offer insight for the educated.