Red Flags

“Do you promise that you are telling me the truth?” I whispered. He stared into my tear-filled eyes and stated, “I promise! I love you! I want to be with you! Why would I mess that up?” My heart jerked as I saw his face contorted with heartfelt pain. Maybe he is not lying. He loves me. He wouldn’t cheat on me. After a minute of silence, I hesitantly replied, “Okay, I believe you.” His smile lit up his face as he reached forward to hug me. I thought that the situation was done. I thought I could trust him.

A week later, the truth came out. My boyfriend of a year had been lying to me our entire relationship. I knew our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I never thought that someone could be so dishonest. I shouldn’t have ignored the red flags. They would pop up in my mind throughout our relationship questioning his actions or words. One night he told me that he would call me after work which was 10:00 pm. He did not call me until 3:00 the next morning. I was sick with worry thinking that he had gotten into an accident because He wasn't answering his phone. His excuse was that he was stressed and went running. Red Flag. Even though situations would occur where his honesty was questioned, I swallowed it or just chose to believe him. Even if what he was saying did not make any sense at all. The trust in our relationship was never a sure thing but it should have been.

A relationship can not grow without a foundation of trust. Not trusting someone allows doubts and uncertainties to fill your mind. You are constantly wondering if that person is doing what they say. You want to believe them because you think that they love you but deep down you realize that you don’t trust them. I really loved my boyfriend which is why I chose to ignore my doubts. But the reality is people can’t expect to communicate efficiently or learn about each other unless they do have a level of trust. The level of trust only grows deeper as time passes. If you start a relationship off without a base of trust then where can your relationship go?

Trust allows you to feel secure with the knowledge that no matter what happens, you will know the truth. You can be free to be yourself. You can be free to go throughout your day without having doubts and fears flow through your mind. That is not to say that they won’t because we are all human and we all doubt. But you can counteract them with the fact that you do trust the person you’re with and it helps your doubts disappear. Since I didn't have that type of relationship with my boyfriend, I was miserable. I would constantly stay up late at night and worry that he was being dishonest. I knew deep down that something was wrong, but I loved him and didn't want to confront it.

After finding out about all the lies, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was tired of feeling betrayed and anxious all the time. Through that experience I’ve learned that if I don’t trust someone then there is no point to having a relationship. I don't know why people lie but I do know that I don't want a relationship with someone who does. There are plenty of people in the world that value trust and honesty as much as I do so I shouldn't waste time on those who don’t. Trust is the foundation of every relationship so make sure that you have it from the beginning. Also, don't ignore the red flags.