Complement, not complete
I have to remind myself to let my friends learn from their mistakes, instead of making decisions for them. It isn’t easy watching someone you’ve known all 18 years of her life become more of a burden than a friend, a person completely dependent on another. When she won’t listen to any advice, the only thing you can do is catch her when she falls.
I would have easily called her my best friend at one point. In fact, we made the decision to move to
She was young and away from protective parents for the first time in her life. Unfortunately, instead of keeping her mind focused on what we came down here for, college, she became interested in something completely different – boys. It wasn’t long before she realized we had more dating possibilities here than we did at home and the first few to give her attention she latched onto.
Then she met him. I didn’t like him; I didn’t like what he’d done to her, but she refused to listen when I tried to offer words of wisdom. My best friend was no longer someone I recognized, but someone who had become so completely consumed by another human being that she began to do things she would never have done otherwise. The late-night conversations we used to have stopped when she secluded herself in her room with her cell phone for hours. The shopping sprees we couldn’t afford but we went on anyway ended because she and her boyfriend became inseparable within a short period of time. I knew what it was like – young love – the first one that really steals your heart and makes you sure you’d spend the rest of your life with him despite the odds; I’d been there, done that – but nothing I said carried any weight. She was an adult by her standards and was determined to live her life the way she wanted to.
As their relationship progressed, she became more helpless. They were fighting (and by fighting, I mean screaming at each other) because a phone call went unreturned. If she finally got up the courage to speak her mind and hang up (which any pissed off female should have the right to do) she’d always answer the next 15 times he’d call back. Visits to see him didn’t last an afternoon; they lasted all week until she finally stopped coming home. I lost my roommate and my best friend all at the same time to her new boyfriend.
Having been in a similar situation, I knew this wasn’t going to end well for anyone. She got into trouble with the law, he eventually got tired of toying with her, and his family was tired of her mooching off their income. Thankfully, she realized what I’d been trying so desperately to tell her: You don’t need someone to complete you; you need someone that will complement you. It broke my heart to watch such a great girl fall the way she did, but she walked away with scars that taught her what not to do.
