The Strangest of Places

Life is a series of relationships we have with one another, the earliest being the mother-and-child relationship, and the last being our relationship with ourselves. Between birth and death we interact with a great number of other humans who have the ability to show us something special.

I was coming back from dropping my mother off at the airport. It was early on a Saturday morning, and Kaye (my mom) was going on another business trip. I stopped at the red light in front of the underpass and looked around. Off the shoulder was a lot filled with a five-year-old’s vision of utopia. Swing sets and jungle gyms covered about half an acre of pavement. A small boy was dragging his father to and from colorful slides and swings. It was a heartwarming sight that made my day. Somehow, I felt I had connected with them simply by witnessing their relationship in action.

This happened nearly seven years ago and I will never forget those fifteen seconds at the stoplight. I will also never meet those two people; I will never be able to thank them for bringing that small amount of pleasure to my life.

I was involved in an abusive relationship for nearly two years--blinded by what I thought was love. I was manipulated into believing I was worthless, unattractive and stupid. I was told on a regular basis I would “never find anyone better” and “no one would be attracted” to me. He was ashamed that I was mixed and not Christian. His family disapproved of our relationship. I knew this, no matter how subtle or disguised their remarks seemed. I had no self-esteem and was extremely co-dependent when he decided to end our relationship on my twentieth birthday—yes, on my f-ing birthday. I was a wreck. My feelings about him constantly shifted between love and hate for months.

Two years later I am a strong, confident and intelligent young woman. I can look back on our relationship and be happy. I am not happy about the way I was treated or the way I acted (or didn’t act). I am not happy that I stayed for so long. I am really not happy he ruined my twentieth birthday. I am happy because I now depend on myself. I am happy because I am confident. I am happy because of me, not him.

I will never have another twentieth birthday. I will never be his emotional punching bag, or anyone else’s for that matter. I will never speak to him again. I will never be able to thank him for forcing me to realize my strength.

In our lives, we form relationships with caregivers, parents, family, friends, teachers, peers, and acquaintances. While many of these relationships will result in disappointment (not in the relationship, but in the individual), each relationship has a specific lesson. Each person we encounter, however brief or distant, brings something unique and enriching to our lives, if you look at it the right way.